Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
