So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you would pick up someone in the library
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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