Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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