The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
