Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
