I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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