i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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