fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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