dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
