our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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