I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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