At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
