hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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