Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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