There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
