just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
