If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
