Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
