is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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