So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
