Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
