Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
