I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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