i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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