Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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