I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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