i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
