Michael Bay diarrhea
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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