Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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