So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found your dick twin last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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