Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
