I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
