I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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