Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
