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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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