To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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