I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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