How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
