I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
