girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
