You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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