u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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