Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
