my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I enjoy the company of your penis
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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