I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
