a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
