Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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