I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
