you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
