there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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