I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
